13 weeks along and so far, everything looks good! Our lil bean has a very strong heart beat and according to the ultra sound today the little bean is also quiet active. Not a big shock, as I do remember Shilo being the exact same way. Never staying still and well, here she is, 3 years old and what do you know, the girl still does not stay still! But I would not have it any other way.
So most of you already know but for those that don't this little baby is an actual miracle for us. In September of 2008 I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure or POF. What exactly is that you may ask, cause I asked myself the same thing well, a simple explanation is menopause at 30 - AHHH!!! This, was not something that I was prepared for. I mean, I was only 30 and its usually hereditary. But, I was one of the few (the 10% few to be exact) that happened to just be a carrier and so despite the fact that my mom had never had this problem didn't matter, I did. I was told that I would only have a 6% chance of getting pregnant naturally or otherwise and that if it didn't happen, I would need to consider egg donation, adoption or well, the simple fact that we would only have our lil miss.
Needless to say, we were devastated, shocked, and heartbroken, never in a million years did I ever expect to be hit with something like that. I thought maybe my hormones were out of wack or something, they would give me some clomid and we could call it could but menopause, are you kidding me! But the icing on the cake of it all was after several blood tests and ultra sounds the news that I actually only had a few eggs left and of those eggs left, they were not certain how many were even viable eggs AND I only had one good ovary! So at this point I was thinking, anything else?!
So once we digested all of this info, and it was a lot to digest, we decided that we would explore all options. I will never forget the fertility specialist asking me what it was that I wanted out of all of this and I clearly remember saying, "I just can't imagine that I will never have another baby." He looked at me and smiled and said we will try all of our options, stay positive and see what happens.
So we did just that... we tried two rounds of fertility treatments. I felt like a human pin prick - blood draws twice a week, ultra sounds twice a week and injections once a week. Then you wait. You buy a pregnancy test, you pee on a stick and you start all over. After two times I was already exhausted and thought to myself can I really do this. But we decided yes, let’s try one more time. But this time we were going to do a daily injection to stimulate ovulation and hope that that would work. We spent everything we had on this little box of injections and I remember sitting at the doctor’s office right before Christmas talking about when we would start the injections and how the whole process would work, and I asked him, "what are the chances of me getting pregnant this way?" He looked at me, and I was crying, and I can only imagine how hard his job must be sometimes and he said, "its in the single digits, its not good. And if it doesn't work, then most likely it won't ever work and we will need to explore the egg donation option. But let’s stay positive." I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest, It (for me) was the most devastating news I had ever heard. I felt so discouraged and sad. Ian and I went home that night and I remember telling him that I was not giving up and that we were going to have a baby, but that I did not think it was going to happen through fertility treatments, I told him I wanted to try it on our own for a while, get through the holidays and then explore acupuncture.
Well we got through the holidays and nothing was happening. But I was in such a different space, I think I had finally accepted that maybe I was only meant to have one. I wasn't crying anymore when I had heard of other people getting pregnant or having babies. I didn't cry when I saw commercials on TV for babies or about babies. I had Shilo, and she is an amazing, beautiful perfect little girl and if that was all I was going to get then it was okay by me. That I can tell you was not an easy place to get to, but after 5 months, eventually I made it there.
I did however still want to explore acupuncture if for no other reason to help with my hormone balance since clearly things were not working well on their own and I did not want to necessarily have to take some sort of medication every day in order for it all to work. Plus deep down, I had accepted our fate, but still was hopeful about that 6% chance that it may happen someday, miraculously. So, on Feb 12th I had my first acupuncture treatment. It was amazing, she was so positive and it was all so relaxing. I was given a bunch of Chinese herbs to take, a moxa stick and a short list of instructions. I followed everything to a T, I was a very good student and I felt great, no stress, no pressure, just relaxed. After 3 weeks worth of treatments I remember laying on the bed getting a treatment from Kathy and we were discussing how I was feeling and what was going on and she said to me that in eastern medicine, the people believe that your body regulates to a new moon and so getting pregnant during a new moon is a good thing. And she also said to me, and if you get pregnant during this new moon, you will have a Christmas baby. I remember lying there thinking that would be so neat but also kind of thinking, I have a 6% chance… what are the chances? Well it turns out she was right! Our little bean was conceived one week after that conversation, during the new moon in March, the same month our little miss turned 3! Amazing!
We did not find out about it until Monday April 6th. I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had been working out like crazy, eating super healthy and was not losing a pound. Plus I was tracking my temperature and it had been above 98 for 13 days so, much like when I found out I was pregnant with Shilo… I went upstairs, didn’t say a thing to Ian, took a test, and there it was, a pink plus sign! I took another one, and there it was, another pink plus sign! All I could think was OMG, this is not real, no way, wait OMG, its positive! I walked downstairs with the test and Ian was talking to Shilo and with complete Shock I looked at him and said, “I think I am pregnant” - he looked at me shocked, the same way he did when I told him I was pregnant with Shilo and we have all three been on cloud 9 ever since! We are truly a lucky family and this baby, truly is a miracle that Ian, Shilo and I will love, treasure and cherish every single day!
So the day finally came and Shilo said she was ready to write her letter to the pull up fairy and so we did. She was so proud and excited to finally be able to write this note, almost as excited as when she sent her letter to Santa this last year. She asked all the same questions too as we put her to bed on Friday night, will we see the pull up fairy, how will she get in the house, will Dori see her? 
With this very special note was some new princess undies, pink nailpolish and some new sparkle jelly shoes! With a huge smile on her face and a look of wonder and surprise, she ran into our room and yelled, "the pull up fairy came, she saw my note, she left me some new jellies and princess undies and pink nailpolish, how did she know?" The answer was simple, Because she is magical! 
